


On the edge.

by mallorysendings



Category: Firefly, Mal/River - Fandom, Serenity
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-07-02
Packaged: 2019-03-25 22:32:58
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,306
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13844391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mallorysendings/pseuds/mallorysendings
Summary: Really old Fan fiction I worked on. Found it and was enjoying it almost as if I was a new reader.





	1. Nuts and Bolts

From the first she knew. A feeling quiet inside of her just waiting to bubble through her insanity and confusion. 

Unaware of how to comprehend it, but somehow she always knew. Her captain and she were destined. But he would fight it. Like he had right before the Oaty bar commercial triggered her lethal abilities and she took out an entire business establishment. He tried hard as he could to ignore it. At that time, however, he was just denying both of their fates. He was just going to let her and Simon walk right out of his life and his ship. What he was unaware of was his turn from her had made her mind more vulnerable. She was re’broken by his ability to just turn from her. His mind and his heart were at odds. She knew but said nothing. She left with her brother.

River fiddled with a loose knut and turned it back and forth. The cold playing on the digits and the sharp edges biting into her fingertips. Serenity even had a few screws loose, but the captain had never turned from his ship….

When she was triggered, however, Mal did not run, As so many other bar patrons did. He had stayed to try to handle her…Even if it meant to end her. She could still remember staring down the barrel of his gun knowing he did not want to shoot her, but would if need be. He screamed at her with his mind to recognize him, to remember him… She did. What no one knew is that it was that moment at her weakest Mal gave her the strength to see beyond the veil the alliance had put over her mind. That moment the alliances hold on Rivers brain was broken in that instant right before Simon spoke the safe word. In the same instant, she was put to sleep by the word, she had been able to break through the veil confusing her from day to day.

That all had been months ago. She had, for the most part, gained a grip on her reality while the rest of the crew mourned. It was shaky at best she knew, but she understood that she would only get so much better but never cured. Half the work that the alliance did would forever be irreversible, but at least she had a grip on things. She snorted in a quiet laugh.

River twisted the nut tighter trying to tie down her sanity. It was fraying at the moment, and none on the ship knew. After months of her being “Normal”, they did not see how hard she was struggling now to keep it together. Now that they no longer needed her to be sane to deal with her grief. She was not better then. She twisted the nut so hard it was bruising her fingers and threatening to rip the skin. She felt tears coursing down her cheeks. 

She lifted her head to the sound of boots on the grating. It was the captain, she could feel his thoughts, but not read them. She avoided the captains' mind knowing he hated her abilities in that respect. It was haunting and hurt the back of her tongue for some unknown reason to her. Part of the captain hated her. She had always known it. But another part felt something different, longing even in his emotions. But she could not come to understand the feeling without reading his mind and that she just could not do. 

She balled her hands into a fist and fought the urge to push into his head. It was a common struggle these days to fight her curiosity and need to know what and why the captain was feeling such emotions. Without the thoughts to explain, she was at a loss as to the source of the captains' turmoil. And if the captain wasn’t right in the head she knew she would not be far behind. A chill went up her back as he walked right over her head in the walkway above her hiding spot. She let out a sigh, knowing she had not been seen. 

It's not like he had been looking much at her lately anyway. Avoided eye contact completely. He pulled away her soul gripping to his in earnest but ignored it. He ignored her. The tears continued to fall.

“Nuts and screws loose but no way to reach them…” she pointed to her head. “Not like you Serenity. We can tighten you up…keep you true, but no way to reach mine.”

She leaned her head against the cool metal and hugged her ship. It was the only thing she could hug. 

 

Simon stood in the doorway of Rivers bedroom. She was not there. Where was she off to again. He had looked everywhere. Seemed the Captain had as well. For he was looking at him questioningly outside of her quarters.

“You looking for River?” Simon asked.

Mal nodded. “Yeah, just seems strange her runnin' off like this.” He said dragging his fingers through his hair. “She been alright Doc?” he asked. 

Simon looked down. “I'm not sure. She has been for the most part herself for eight months. Maybe she is having an episode.” He said gravely. 

The Captain's face went white. Simon could almost think the man felt more than just concern for his young sister maybe Fear? 

“Well then…I will send her to you if I find her.” The Captain said turning to go the other way. 

 

River crawled from her cubby and passed Kaylee’s chattering thoughts. She thought things with her brother were just dandy as her mind sighed dreamily. River shook her head. Kaylee had no notion of the doubt Simon harbored in his mind and heart when it came to Serenities bubbly mechanic. 

Jayne she sensed was pining away for her. Longing for her from afar. He had nearly grasped that he not only did not mind to hear about the things that touched her nethers but he wanted to know more. Touch for himself. But the shiny rudding doctor had cozied up good and tight to her. 

River scoffed. Simon was good and tight, But he was not sure he wished to be there for much longer. She shook her head. He would be throwing away a good thing.  
River climbed up into the cockpit and put her hands on the cool controls. Here Serenity felt well oiled and flexible. She could just about wiggle out of anything up here.

The screws were good and tight where it mattered. She ran her fingertips along the buttons and controls. Like herself, Serenity was strong and weak, battered and loose. But where it counted, she was put together with love and care, and tight screws. Like the captain had said. Love had kept serenity in the black. 

She focused on the nebula in front of her. She fingered the controls and put the glass set to infrared. She gasped at the sight of colors. She heard footsteps coming up. She already identified them as the captains. She pulled up her knees protectively. He made her feel so small at times. Right now she wanted to be smaller. Invisible. 

“Hey little one.” He said quietly. “Doc has been looking for ya.” He said taking his seat with a sigh. “Seems to think something is wrong. “

River turned her wide eyes to him. Mal looked over casually and then found he could not look away right quick like he wished. Her eyes froze him for a second. 

“I am loose in places.” She was deadly serious. “I fear that I am breaking down in my mind. Being held together by brittle screws that will break under much more pressure.” She shook her head as tears came to the surface. “Been good for so long. Well oiled, but now I am struggling to keep my screws tight.” 

Mal stood in response to her vulnerability. He hated it when a woman cried… It pulled at him. He knelt beside her. “Listen little one. You are alright. You fly my ship, and you took good care of us when we were in our grief.” 

River wiped her tears knowing he hated it. “But I don’t need to remain strong anymore. I am weakening in the brainpan.” She knocked on her head thinking of Jayne. “Sometimes I hear things rattling about in there. I worry about the lost screws, nuts and bolts. “ she laughed through her emotion. 

Mal touched her hand pulling it from her head. He did not wish her to knock on her head again. “Darlin. You are no more loose in the head than I am.” He said.  
River frowned and touched his brow. “You are looking me in the eye.” She marveled. 

Mal cleared his throat uncomfortably. “Ugh, can’t a captain look his crew in the eye?”

River leaned back away from him pulling her hand back as if burned. “But the captain has not looked this crew member in the eye for days.” She stood and left the cockpit. 

Mal groaned in frustration. But what about? He was the captain, nothing like this should frustrate or inconvenience him. He went back to his chair and looked out at the nebula and sighed hardly noticing the beauty. He just saw rivers wide frightened eyes.


	2. Different pages.

The jobs had been few and far between but when they had a job it was more than profitable. But Simon now demanded River stay aboard. For, fear she would be unstable. 

“She is my gorram crew.” Mal spat. 

Simon stood firm nose to nose with the captain. “She is my sister and you know she is not…well…not the River we have gotten used to.” 

River winced at that and could hear his loud thoughts. No way to block them out. She wrapped her arms around herself and Mal took notice and backed away. He moved closer to her and looked her over. “Hey, little one…you up to an outing?” he asked. “It is up to you.” He said relinquishing his control placing it in his pilot. 

River shivered to feel the forced calm of her captains' thoughts. He was trying to calm the situation she observed. 

Looking up at them confused she turned to Simon. “I am ….not up to going out.” She shrugged and turned from them all and wandered back to the dorms like a zombie. Mal broke from the group and followed after her. He was downright concerned now. She was not well. 

He turned her around to face him. “Doc?” he called him over. River looked at him her eyes crying out to him but not knowing what to say. She felt utterly lost right now.

Mal had pushed her from him and more than likely continue to do so. She knew she needed him to keep her mind flying. 

Simon wandered over. 

“River are you alright?” Mal asked holding her arms in his hands near her shoulders. He was taken with an urge to pull her tighter into to him. But he refrained. 

River shook her head. “Need…something.” She dropped her shoulders. “I am lost.” 

Mal felt his heart clench at that. He knew the feeling well. She was lost and lonely. She was not broken in a medical sense she was broken in an emotional way. Mal looked at the Doc. “She will be alright, I think.” He pulled her along. “Just needs some reassurance.” 

River looked at him. “I'm not a child or a baby.” She said coldly. 

Mal softened his expression and rubbed her arms soothingly. “No, you are not… and I think you are just sad sometimes…and lonely.” He told her.

River shook her head. “You don’t really understand.” She pushed from him. 

Mal looked back at the doc. “She does not need to go on a job till she is better. I agree.” He acquiesced. 

Jayne stepped in. “Sure she’s not gonna go all moon brain again. Don’t think I can stand for much of that.” He shook his head. 

Mal sighed. “Not asking you to stand for anything.” He said bitterly. “Can be planetside in 30 minutes if you like to hope off. “ he offered coldly. 

Jayne looked over at Kaylee uncomfortably and buttoned his lip. 

 

River felt lost up in the cockpit days later she counted the stars and calculated routes. She would not be lost. Could not when she knew exactly in the universe she was.  
She felt Mal enter the bridge. 

Heard his move to his chair and felt him sit looking at her. After a long time, he cleared his throat. She knew he was about to speak. 

“River… “ he began. “I have been lost too. In fact, I am still lost.” He said stumbling over his words. “Your mind ain’t broken… You are feeling alone is all.” He said shrugging. 

River looked at him softly. “You know because you are the same.” She looked up at him with hope, “Finally understand what I need and what you need?” she asked. 

Mal shifted uncomfortably. “Don’t rightly know.” He said looking at her as he flitted his gaze about. She looked at him as if he offered a Christmas present but sad because he forgot it. 

River looked away from him. “That is the trouble. I know and can't say.” She stood and ghosted from the cockpit before he even had a chance to ask what she was talking about. “Gorramit girl,” he whispered as he was left in silence.


	3. Chapter 3

River shut herself up in her room avoiding all for three days. 

Mal was beside himself with worry. Nothing was working to sooth River. And with her acting out of her mind he was feeling more and more out of his. And he paced holes in the floor at night with his concern. His complete involvement with his youngest crew member tormented his thoughts. He wanted her better. He wished to see her sunny joyful smile. To see her eyes light up. He groaned at the thoughts missing her sunny disposition and rubbed his face with anxiety. 

He pulled out of his bunk and staggered to the cockpit. Lack of sleep was getting to him. Dreams tormented him, and waking thoughts drained him. 

He found that once up in the bridge he was not alone. 

River was there wrapped up tight in his coat. He was about to chastise her for it but he found a delight upon seeing it wrapped about her small frame. It created a new thought in his head of her as his, like the coat she wore pop into his mind. He shook his head. Thoughts of his pilot did not belong in a head like his. 

“Work it out yet captain?” she asked. “Bout what we both need?” 

Mal’s mouth went dry her tone implied something he dared not image too deeply. “If’n you know what you need why don’t you tell me so I can conjure it for us.” He said and winced. It sounded cliche. 

River looked back at him. Her gaze level. “You would find issue with what we need. You would not just give it. Not even to yourself.” Mal frowned in confusion as River stood and walked to him with purpose. She touched her lips to his, he was about to push away, but it felt so good. So freeing to touch his lips to hers. it was as if the breath he had been holding inside for weeks rushed out in one moment through his nose. His arms were about to wrap around her when he stopped himself. “River-“

River touched her index finger to his lips. “Shhh.” She pecked him softly at the corner of his mouth. “That will be both first and the last I kiss you.” She whispered, her lips brushing against his clean-shaven skin. He caught her eye as she sadly pushed away. “You don’t want to admit how evenly matched we are, not even quietly to yourself.” She said. She shook her head her eyes shining with unshed tears as she stood stiffly. “I will no longer give you a reason to be concerned.” She left him speechless. 

 

Days turned to weeks. Mal had thought obsessively of him and Rivers kiss. It had been passionate and demanding. He wanted her. Now it was clear but he struggled with the fact that she was too young. He could be her father, he shuddered at the thought. He had not liked the implication upon himself that he was truly a dirty old man. 

Night and day he was assailed with thoughts of her. His dreams were never without its own entertainment that always featured River now. Never Inara.

He found himself cursing un-realizing his thoughts had escaped his mouth. Both Zoe and River. The former looking at him confused. His eyes held Rivers gaze longer than he should now and he knew she was confused by it. He asked her to stay when Zoe left. “So we can talk.” He explained. 

River clicked things to auto and turned to face him. 

Mal took a moment to speak but then just decided to dozer ahead. “That kiss… ” hIs voice hitched. “You are young, and have wants.”

River cocked her head from side to side. “It’s not a matter of want.” She said emotionlessly. “want is fleeting …I needed you. I desired you.” She admitted. “I wanted to be there for you on your difficult nights. I wanted to care for you as you do me and the crew. No one takes care of you.” She said then looked away. “But I can make do.”

She said standing about to walk away. 

Mal did as well. “Well, I gorram cannot.” He said spinning her into his arms and kissing her into oblivion. Mal felt his skin ignite and tingles below the surface of his flesh. River put her fingers through his hair pulling him deeper into the kiss. 

River could not believe the captain crumbled. She did not even peek into his mind. 

Mal kissed her long and hard. Neither speaking or coming to the surface for a good ten minutes.

River was the one to finally pull away. “They are coming to look for us.” She said. 

Mal pressed his forehead against hers. “This changes everything.” He said assuring her. 

River looked up at him with a smile. “Promise?” she asked. 

Mal nodded. 

“Can I sleep with you tonight?” she asked touching him behind the ear. 

Mal felt weak but shook his head. “We take this slow.” 

River rolled her eyes. But said nothing.


	4. Chapter 4

That night none had noticed the difference in either the captain or River. Mal went to his cabin down when she knew the coast was clear. 

“River!” he said but then lowered his voice. “We are not doing this yet.” He said shaking his head. 

River laughed. “I am just sleeping with you.” She kissed his nose. “Taking care of you. You taking care of me. Best stick together.” She kissed his mouth as she had grown surer in her actions concerning him. 

Mal gave into his passions for a moment and his suspenders were finding themselves dangerously close to the edge of his shoulder blades. 

River stepped out of his reach and pulled her robe off. She was not dressed as a seductress she wore pajama pants and a tee shirt but he could see the points of her nipples and he felt weak. 

“We should not.” He turned around. “Too much too fast.” 

River laughed. “Once under the covers, you won't notice anything.”

Mal laughed. “Darlin, you don’t know much about men. I will notice everything that counts once I climb up under there with you.”

River smiled coyly. “Girls like to be noticed.” 

Mal kept his hands to himself be he found it mightily hard when she hugged herself to him. Or he spooned her. Her bottom pressed delightfully against his groin. He knew he could take advantage but he would never. He would be positive she wanted him before he took her physically. 

He slept no better with her. Contrary to what she claimed. He awoke tense and uncomfortable, but happy and full. He sighed. He hoped she would never leave his bed regardless of the tension of lack of sleep. And he had not even taken her yet. Two weeks but he had remained strong against her allures. He was determined to be slow, to amend this self-view of being a dirty old man. He wanted this to remain without conflict. 

None of the crew knew they were carrying on together. River was smiling and dancing again. She was even insisting on coming on the next job. 

To which Simon had not taken well. He went looking for her this morning and almost discovered that they had been sleeping with each other. Mal groaned at the fear of being caught. He was the captain, and this was his gorram ship. In reality, he could do whatever he dam well pleased. He ascended the ladder and went for coffee then on to the cockpit. River would join him and they would resume what they could not in each other's arms this morning. She always tried to leave before things got too physical for fear that they would be caught with each other. He stiffened when he entered the kitchen galley. Jayne was there eyeing Kaylee then the captain also found himself focused on Kaylee who had her head hanging over the kitchen sink. 

“Kaylee,” he said concerned. “You alright?” 

Kaylee looked over to him and shook her head. “I feel like I am about to lose my lunch. But I ain’t had lunch no breakfast.” She said helplessly. 

Mal nodded “Drink some water and go down to the Doc. Best make sure you are not sick, and infectin' my crew.” He said ordering her about. Just as she threw up in the sink. He winced. “Okay, go down after you are finished there.” 

Jayne looked disgusted and stood to pick up his polished guns. “Aw, I ain’t gone toss my cookies by stayin' here.” 

Mal shook his head. 

“Can't go see the doc right now, Captain.” She said as she was wiping her mouth. “He’s with River right now.”

Mal nodded. “Rivers fine… You, on the other hand, are not mei mei.” 

Zoe was behind him as he took Kaylee down to the infirmary. “Sir, the rudder hatch is rusted shut again. I can't get down there.” 

Mal shrugged her off. “Cant that waite for a bit, Zoe?” 

Zoe looked emotionless as he caught her gaze. “I don’t know Sir. Can it wait?” 

Mal groaned. “Jaynes not busy and he likes to show his muscle. Get him on it. I'm currently indisposed.”

Zoe nodded and went about her orders. 

Mal got Kaylee to the infirmary and set about orders there too. 

“sorry to interrupt Doc, River.” He noted River. “Kaylee been losing her lunch up in the sink. Need to know if she is harboring some bad spacey illness now don’t we?” he said. But Simon had gone a little white. 

“Sure, captain I will check on that.” River stood and went out in the waiting area with Mal. 

Simon worked with Kaylee. River looked into the infirmary. 

“He already knows what is wrong.” She smiled. 

Mal looked at river. 

“He is not happy about it.” She said sadly. 

Mal looked at Kaylee who’s face was expressionless. “She doesn’t seem to know.” 

River nodded. “Simon has not run her blood sample, but he knows.” 

Mal pulled her familiarly to face him. “What is it Darlin?” he asked. 

River smiled. “My big brother has gotten Kaylee in the family way.” 

Mal looked back at his mechanic and his face went white. “You mean she is gonna have a baby?” 

River looked at him and nodded. Her eyes shined. “This won't go over well with what I was talking with him about.”

Mal shifted back towards her. “and what was that darlin'?” he asked. 

River smiled shyly. “Maybe I should not tell you.” She sniffed. 

Mal frowned. “You should, I am your captain.” He said dejectedly. Then dropped his voice. “And very nearly your…” He could not attempt to finish the sentence. 

Rivers eyes sparkled. “Lover?” She touched his cheek and then recalled Simon and Kaylee within sight. Neither had noticed them, however. “That is what I want.” 

Mal felt his throat swallow hard. He was terrified of the next step. Terrified of how much he wanted it. “You are young… Not ready yet”

River held his stair. “Do I need to perform how ready I am.” She looked to Kaylee. “Kaylee was younger than I was. Much.” She stepped forward slightly cocking her head.

“Tonight I could.” She threatened. 

Mal looked ghostly white. “No River.” He said firmly walking away almost angry at her request as much as his refusal. 

River looked at his retreating back and whispered loud enough for him to hear. “Coward.”

Mal turned around and glared at her. “Won't be lettin' that slide little one.” He promised as he left her waiting outside of the Infirmary. 

River turned to the voice of Simon escorting Kaylee out. “Now just go eat something. You may have nausea but food should help, go get some rest as well. Maybe a nap.” He offered. 

Kaylee nodded. “And you will tell me as soon as the test results come in?” she asked. 

Simon nodded but did not meet her eyes. 

River stayed right where she was till Kaylee had left to do as her boyfriend and doctor ordered. 

“Pregnant.” River whispered. 

Simon nodded. “Don’t even really need the test results.” He sighed. “She was terribly neglectful about remembering her medication every week.” He sighed. “All the symptoms add up.” 

River looked at him coldly. “And you don’t want her or the baby.”

Simon shuddered. “Who am I to be so cold?” he asked. 

River shook her head. “You don’t think you love her.” She said..

Simon looked sad. “I know I don’t love her. I don’t belong here.” He shook his head. “Neither do you.”

River shook her head. “I am where I belong. I am among the people I love more than the verse.” She looked at him betrayed. “But you don’t love them. You disdain them….still after all this time.” She stood and went to the cupboard. 

“River what are you doing?” he asked. 

River scanned the well-organized shelves to the contraceptive section. “So doctor… what would you prescribe me?” she asked fingering the boxes with care.  
Simon shook his head. “Is this what you were trying to get at when Kaylee and the captain came in?” 

River flashed him a glance. “Don’t change the topic. I am asking the questions Doctor.” She said coldly without tenderness. “What would you prescribe?” she pressed.  
Simon felt a chill deep inside of him. It took his breath away. “Are you doing this River?” he asked. 

River smiled sweetly. “It won't kill you. Just incentive to answer my question.” 

Simon felt the cold engulf his body. “How are you doing this?” he asked. 

River smiled. “I could kill with my mind if I took a liking to it. I do not. It is the darkest part of my skill set that the alliance programmed inside of me.” She said. “I am just making you think you are cold from the inside out.” She sighed. “You are how you act…Cold.” 

Simon looked at her afraid. “You are angry at me.” He said. 

River nodded. “We will get to that. What is my prescription?” 

Simon pointed at the blue box “That one. Won't react with your present medications….However, it's not as reliable as the one Kaylee was on.” He said. 

River took enough for a hand full of months. “Is there anything a man can use?” she asked. “No not condoms.” 

Simon winced. “The shock treatment.” He offered. “It involves violently shocking the testicles four times a day.” 

River giggled. “Well, I feel almost sorry about that.” She full out laughed. 

Simon rolled his eyes. “I did it some of the time.” 

River pulled the supplies out and made a basket out of her skirt. “Simon.” She warmed him up with her mind. “I love you, you are my big brother who saved me.” She touched his cheek. “But you are an idiot some of the time.” She then left him with questions. 

“Mie mie” he said frustrated. “Why do you need birth control?” he asked. 

River laughed. “I think it is obvious.” 

Simon ran up to her. “Are you sure it's not because you think because Kaylee is pregnant that you….Do you know how babies are made?” he asked. 

River arched her eyebrows condescendingly. “Simon. I know….Everything.” she then turned and went to her quarters and stowed away her medications. She looked at the instructions and dosed herself. She rolled her eyes reading that it would take a little more than a week before it had taken full effect. She sighed laying back on her bed. So Mal dodged her seduction of him tonight. Especially if he thought she could get pregnant. 

She decided she would stay away. Tease him a bit. Make him wonder… He has gotten far too comfortable with just kissing and cuddling. River was starving for much more, but she could control herself. She was a weapon. Weapons must have control and accuracy. 

 

Simon glanced at Kaylee now and then at dinner. He was not ready to tell her she was about to be a mother….of his child. He did not want her to feel his lack of joy. Mal looked between the two of them. He wondered when he could finally offer his congratulations. He was a little excited about a baby being about. It had been many years since he had been around a baby for any length of time. He kinda forgot what they were like. 

River, on the other hand, avoided them all that night at dinner. Never spoke. She just ate in silence and slinked off as soon as she was not noticed. Too many minds racing. 

She left and took a shower. The water was warm and made her skin burn. It felt good. Under the water, she heard less of the mental chatter. She went to her bunk and snuggled down into bed. 

Mal on the other hand waited. And waited…. Pacing the floor a bit, he waited for River. He had come to expect. No depend on her being with him at night but where was she? 

He debated his options. He would check the cockpit. Maybe she was there. Climbing the metal stair he found that space quiet and empty. Cursing he sat in his chair. He would not go looking about his ship for her like a lost puppy. He banged his head against the headrest. 

Mal fought himself not to look for River the entire night. But he was angry and tense. He wanted to yell at her but he knew he had no right. He must have angered her, he had been quite harsh to her last they spoke together. He sighed going up to get coffee. He found it was already made and saw River in the corner reading a book.  
She had not acknowledged him. 

“River.” He whispered. 

She still did not look up. He sighed and poured himself the coffee.

“Not angry.” She said finally. “Just you insist I grow up, well I guess I will grow up before you and I share a bed again because I will not share a bed unless it is shared properly,” she said.

Mal felt threatened so he called her bluff. “Well, then I suppose that is the right thing.” He said and left her to her book. But really he was upset. And ultimatum. Well not exactly. Kinda. He was so confused.


	5. Chapter 5

Kaylee smiled with happiness. “Why are you not happy?” she asked suddenly frowning and Simons lack of excitement. 

Simon plastered a smile on his face seeing River eying him making his heart chilled. “Yes,” his lips moved to form his kind lie. “It is wonderful.” He said stiffly. 

Things got tense over the next week, between Simon and Kaylee. They were near broken up now. Regardless of her pregnant condition. Not that the crew didn’t try to know the ins and outs of the situation. 

Kaylee just cried and found shelter in the engine room trying to avoid the sympathetic looks from her fellow crew. River kept away, for now, it was too emotional for her easily overwhelmed mind. Jayne was the one attracted to the sound of her tears. His feet led the way and found himself at her door. 

“What are you doing down here?” she asked. 

Jayne smiled uncomfortably. “Just making sure you ain’t flooding the place.” 

Kaylee sank back into sobs and Jayne wrapped his arms around her. “Oh, Kaylee. He don't deserve ya.” He said against her temple. 

Kaylee sobbed all the harder till she fell asleep. Jayne laid her down in her hammock and then strode angrily to the infirmary. 

He entered while captain and Zoe were involved in a conversation with Simon. He entered and decked him hard and was about to swing again when the captain ducked against a blow and finally restrained him. 

“Now Jayne,” He breathed, “Why you assaulting my doctor?” he asked. 

Jayne glared and spat. “Hurtin' Kaylee.” 

Mal glared at Simon but then looked to his mercenary. “Jayne, can’t explain this to you too much right now, but on this topic, I don’t got much of a leg to stand on.”  
Jayne huffed. “How 'bout the airlock.” 

Mal sighed. “Wish I could, but River would not be thinkin' too kindly on me.” 

Jayne shrugged Mal off. “I won't kill 'em. But I sure as hell won't be letting him play with her again. I cared about her long before he came aboard and I still care bouts her. Time for me to tell her.” He glared at Simon. “Even if she don' want me I will take care of her.” 

Simon frowned. He had never realized how Jayne felt and likely Kaylee had not either.

He wondered how he would feel about that once it sunk in as he rubbed his swelling face.

River stepped down the ladder that night and Mal felt his heart in his throat. “Hey.” He said stiffly. 

River who’s robe was tightly closed walked over to him. She touched his lips with her fingers. 

Mal felt his tension-breaking and he captured her lips with his and devoured her. “Can't leave me waiting this long for just a kiss.” He said breathless holding her against him. The distance made him long to hold her. He was surprised to even see her there. 

River stepped back. “I would go back to my bunk now.” She whispered. 

Mal halted her “Oh? No River, what is going on?” he asked and looked at her questioning. “Cant you stay with me.” He asked another question. “I have gotten little sleep without you by my side.”

River smiled a fraction. “Yes. That is if you are ready to accept that I am ready.” 

Mal growled. “I do not think you really are… I am not sure I am as well.” He ran his hand through his hair then looked at her. Her sad face made an involuntary pout.

River turned from him wordlessly and he grabbed her. He felt the cork pop inside him and pulled her against him. Into him. “River Darlin. I will not survive if you leave me here tonight.” He said as she dropped her robe and he felt his suspenders fall. River played with the buttons on his pants. Mal took over and shed himself and her of the cloth that bound them. 

In a flurry of movement and activity they found themselves on the bed and Mal was atop her. “I am not so sure.” He hesitated and his arms flexed in anxiety and hesitancy. 

She frowned at him. She pulled out from under him and Mal hurriedly gripped her arm in a vice grip. “Don’t listen to this conflicted old man.” He begged. 

River softened her expression and kissed him softly on the mouth. Mal no longer withheld himself. His own kiss devouring her. His mouth moved down her neck as he seated himself between her legs. We wanted to stop, to think this through but he knew if he did he would run and he could not anymore. It had been weeks and weeks of them playing cat and mouse in the small confines of Serenity. 

He shuddered as they became one. It all became a wondrous haze as nothing had ever been to him before. Not good hooch or delectables Inara had to entertain her wealthy clientele and sometimes on occasion himself could compare to the union with his stowaway. To his shame, it was over before he could process the moment. 

River didn’t mind in the least. She could feel his emotion and pleasure as she felt her own and it was more than enough to fill her. She had no pain in the loss of her virginity on account of her not having a hymen from the relentless probe’ing of the doctors at the Academy. Her captain had tried to hold her in the afterglow but she felt his utter exhaustion from the encounter. 

Stretching languidly beside her lover she moaned satisfied like a cat. Her screws and nuts felt tight and well oiled she thought with a smile. Suddenly Mal started to snore softly and she giggled quietly as she turned to him and covered them both.


End file.
